Maybe since that big thing happened, I’ve been giving life more attention. Not because I want to, but because.. I am preparing for the future. Since when that I always see the future, but never enjoy the moment? Everything is about ‘for me when I’m 25 so I’ll already have a permanent job’ ‘for me when I’m ready enough to be a wife’ ‘for me later on so I acn have something to tell’. But does this all really important?
Really, I should’ve just enjoy the moment, just let everything be. And I tried too. Am still struggling, but suddenly your spark hits mine. It feels so refreshing for someone who’s been feeling nothing these years. I’ve got my confidence back. I see the road clearer. I think I am happier.
But you are with somebody else.
It’s not your fault, really. But I am blaming myself, why did I fall for someone that I don’t even know? Why did make up stories in my mind about me and you? Why did I get my hopes high up? Why did I fall too easily?
I am sorrt I am feeling this way. I won’t take you. I won’t take anything. But please, let me be happy when I am around you. Please tell me you are okay with me being around you, and just be friends like I am with everyone else.
I hope I can be that with you too.
Thank you for coming into my life.
And God, please help me forget this feeling, because I know I can’t take something that’s already been others’.
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